Mira Kolenc
Ten or eleven years ago, when Facebook was still in its infancy and I made my first attempts on the Internet, I quickly realized that these social networks that sprang up like mushrooms could be used for much more than networking Friends and acquaintances. Their use, however, was accompanied by ambivalence. The emotions fluctuated between euphoria and mistrust.
At that time, at least in Munich, where I lived at that time, the local social network was called Lokalisten. The impression was that the entire young Munich was bustling there and in contrast to the analog world, the inhibition to address someone was much lower. Messages were constantly fluttering in the mailbox. Common passions, friends or goals, all of a sudden everyone could find what he was looking for, without having to leave the house and hope for the fate that will bring the right people.
Of course, no user was unaware that such networks are also excellent first aid. Expressions of interest have never been so easy to show. Relaxed by the conversation a Sympathiefaden, sometime stood at a real meeting.
And these had almost something disreputable. Each of the gentlemen I met never, ever, ever claimed to have met a woman from the internet. The majority of the discussions were proof that the gap between the digital and the analog world was perceived as very large. The counterpart was alien, far stranger than any ordinary stranger could be. The division between the "real" and the "fake" world was sharp. And the unknown from the internet somehow not part of the familiar and assessable analog world.
In fact, once this gap was overcome and two people came together, a couple knitted it together on an exploration myth that originated far from the Internet. How did it sound, if the answer to the introductory question simply called "Internet"? Not at all romantic. And wasn't the internet really just for nerds, who in real life had no chance to find a partner?
Today, when I sit in the evening with friends in a large group, everyone tells naturally of his Internet flirting. And even your own grandmother is no longer surprised by such introductory routes. Not least because it has long been no phenomenon exclusively for the very young generation, but all the age groups merry in the world of online dating. 30 percent of all relationships should now come about over the Internet.
"In Berlin, I sometimes have the feeling that the flirting in public space was almost completely stopped and everything has shifted to the grid."
In Berlin, I sometimes have the feeling that the flirting in public space was almost completely stopped and everything has been transferred to the grid. Even if you sit alone in a bar in the evening as a woman, this is not perceived as an invitation. But Berlin probably just feels too cool for these heteronormative stereotypes and flirts in a way that is so subtle that it just falls under my perceptual radar. A question that I am still working on elucidating.
Finally, with the introduction of the dating app Tinder in 2012, a new level in the evolution of (online) dating has been reached. The promise: get to know each other even easier! The principle: Selecting for the optical stimulus. Crucial reason that Tinder became a global phenomenon.
Because with the fact that a picture decides on the contact and not the written word, all language barriers were undone, the makers met with a central nerve. Every third adult is single, the market big. A flexible lifestyle also requires all options to be kept open in love. We have long adopted the principle of the market economy in our private lives as well. Tinder is just the final consequence.
But anyone who has indulged in online dating at some point finds that it brings little satisfaction. First of all the overwhelming feeling of being able to choose the desired partner from a huge catalog, many unsuccessful dates later then the disillusionment and inner emptiness.
"Dating apps are ego boosters that make us feel saved for a moment from their own insignificance, making any end to a relationship an option for a better partner."
Dating apps are ego boosters that make us feel saved for a moment from their own insignificance, making any end to a relationship an option for a better partner.
Lately, however, more and more texts by former Tinder users appear, who are committed to their exit. Dating is just a bad habit, good, to bridge a few minutes of waiting, so the tenor. The individual goes completely into the faceless mass and loses his vulnerability.
The bottom line is sobering: the problems of finding and maintaining relationships have remained the same. In the end, an internet flirt still has to prove its worth in reality. What we really need to learn is dealing with the new possibilities. Because we should control them, not them us.
Photo / Video: Oskar Schmidt.
