Mira Kolenc
Uthando ngumdlalo ongaqhelekanga. Kwaye akukho mntu waziyo ukuba udlala njani na, kwaye engazi nokuba ikhona imithetho na. Kwisondo, siqala nge-zero kunye nakubudlelwane. Ngokuvavanya kuphela apho siqokelela khona ulwazi olungasincedayo ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha asizenzi. Ngaba kufanelekile ukuba ukungazi kusasazwe ngokulinganayo kubo bonke, okanye akunjalo?
Kukho umngcipheko woqhawulo-mtshato odluliselwa kwisizukulwana esilandelayo. […] Okwangoku, umbuzo uphakama ngakumbi: Ngaba sonke asikaqhawulwa mtshato?
Ukusukela kwiminyaka yoo-1970s, bekukho uphando malunga nokuba luqhawulo mtshato lwabazali luyichaphazela njani isigxina umtshato wabantwana babo, kwaye into eyenzekayo kukuba umngcipheko woqhawulo-mtshato uya kwisizukulwana esilandelayo. Kutheni le nto kwaye zeziphi izinto ezisadlala indima, njengokuhlala njalo, ingacacanga. Kuba indoda inzima kakhulu. Amava omtshato anefuthe, kodwa kwiimeko ezizezinye ahlala kubudlelwane phakathi kwezinto ezixinzelelo kunye nokunikezelwa kwezinto, oko kukuthi: Uqhawulo-mtshato lusenokubangela umngcipheko, kodwa iingxabano eziqhubekayo zosapho ziba mbi ngakumbi kwixesha elide lenzala nakuphuhliso lwayo kunye nokusingathwa kwexesha elizayo neengxabano ezimbini.
Kuyathakazelisa ukuba izifundo zibonise ukuba abantu abancinci abanabazali abaqhawule umtshato banolwalamano lothando ngakumbi kuneontanga yabo evela kubazali abanemitshato eqinisekileyo. Kukholelwa ukuba ukunxulumana nekhaya lomzali kumtshato woqhawulo-mtshato abantwana kukhuthaza isidingo senkxaso kubudlelwane bezothando.
Ukuya kuthi ga kwisayensi. Akufaneleilibale, nangona kunjalo, ukuba zonke ezi zifundo zisekwe kumanani aqokelelwa kakhulu ngaphambili. Nangona kunjalo, umhlaba uguqukile kancinci kunye nenethiwekhi yoluntu. Okwangoku, umbuzo ngakumbi: Ngaba sonke asiyonto yoqhawulo mtshato? Ngokubanzi, ukuba umdala uya nini, kokukhona kusiba nzima ngakumbi luthando. Ulwazi oluninzi, umntu unokucinga, luyinzuzo, kodwa eluthandweni sihlala singamahlwili kude kube sekupheleni. Kwiminyaka esixhenxe sasiyithanda le nkwenkwana, eyabelana ngethamsanqa efanayo yeenkumba ezincinci, eneminyaka elishumi elinesithandathu umfana waselumelwaneni wasithanda nje kuba wayenomvuzo kwaye eneminyaka engamashumi amabini lo mnumzana u-nerdy wayezolile, kuba wayephelile Unolwazi olungelolwakho kwaye awukhathalelanga konke konke ekugqibeleni.
Kodwa emva koko kuza lo mzuzu umangalisayo apho abafazi bathi: Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kukuba ahlekise! Kwaye ndithetha ngemfundo ephezulu efanayo njengabo, inqanaba elibalaseleyo okanye ithemba, kunye nezixhobo ezaneleyo zoqoqosho. Kuya kuba yindoda nceda, ekwalungele njenge-brooch yokuhlobisa kwi-blouse. Nokuba kungoku nje amaqhosha avulekileyo okanye ngaphantsi avulekile, kwaye indlela eliqinisekileyo ngayo ilizwe, ayinamsebenzi.
Kwamadoda, amabango kwiqabane elinokubakho ahlala enyuka kakhulu xa ubudlelwane bexesha elide busilela.
Ngapha koko. Ukunyuka kwesidingo ebudaleni akunakuba yingxaki ngokwako. Ubuncinci engazange ayeke abantu ukuba baqhubeke ukutshata. Kodwa ngoku bamnike isixhobo esikhangeleka ngathi senza ukuba kwenzeke oko, kubonakala kungenakwenzeka: ukukhetha iqabane lamaphupha kwikhathalogu yeWebhu eBanzi.
"Ukuba uyakha ubudlelwane bakho usebenzisa imigaqo-nkqubo emiselweyo, ufumana kuphela into oyifunayo - kodwa ayisiyiyo loo nto uyifunayo."
Kodwa ulwazi malunga nolu kungenzeka lwenza enye okanye enye sele iphambene. Kudliwanondlebe no-ZEIT, u-Arne Kahlke, owayesakuba yintloko yeqela elite kunye nokudibana, ucacisa oko kuhamba kancinci kuthi: "Abantu abayi konwaba xa bekwazi ukuzikhethela yonke into." Kwaye uKahlke uqhubeka athi: "Ngubani Ubudlelwane obuyilwe ngokomgaqo-nkqubo module, ufumana kuphela into ayifunayo- kodwa kungabi yile nto ayifunayo.
Amathuba angenasiphelo alindileyo enza ukuba kube lula kwabanye ukuphelisa ubudlelwane. Akuyonto ingekhoyo ukuba umlinganiselo woqhawulo mtshato kwizixeko ezikhulu usoloko uphakamile kunenye indawo.
Kubaluleke ngakumbi kumngcipheko woqhawulo mtshato, ukuba umntu ebenokuphendula njani kuvavanyo lomtshato njengengane. Kungenxa yokuba apha siphinda kwakhona kumbuzo onobuqili, kutheni omnye umntwana enokulinda ngelixa omnye ewela ngokukhawuleza ekuqinisekeni (kwaye iMarshmallow idla). Sifuze? Elihle kwezentlalo? Amava?
Ngelishwa, andazi nokuba ezi mvavanyo zijolise ingqalelo ekutyekelweni koqhawulo-mtshato kunye nabantwana abangaqhawule umtshato. Ngokuqinisekileyo i-intanethi yi-marshmallow enkulu kwaye ukuba ungamelana nezilingo zayo, unokuvuzwa. Nokuba ngaba abazali bakho benze ntoni na.
Photo / Ividiyo: Oscar Schmidt.
