Mira Kolenc
Love is a strange game. And nobody knows exactly how to play it, nor if there are any rules at all. In sex, we start at zero as well as in relationships. Only by experimenting do we collect some insights that sometimes help us, but sometimes we do not. And it is only fair that the ignorance is distributed equally to all, or not?
There is a passing on of the divorce risk to the next generation. [...] In the meantime, the question is rather: are not we all a bit of a divorcee?
Since the 1970s, there has been research into how much a divorce of the parents later affects the permanence of their children's marriage, and the realization is that there is a passing on of the divorce risk to the next generation. Why this is so and what factors still play a role, as so often, is not very clear. Since man is just too complex. Bonding experiences are influential, but in individual cases it still depends on the relationship between stressful factors and coping options, that is: Although divorce can be a risk factor, ongoing family disputes are much worse in the long term for the offspring and its development and later handling with couple conflicts.
It is also interesting that studies have shown that young people with divorced parents are more likely to have romantic relationships than their peers from parents with intact marriages. It is believed that the disharmony of the parental home in divorce children promotes the need for support in a romantic relationship.
As far as the science. It should not be forgotten, however, that all these studies are based on numbers that have been collected much earlier. However, the world has changed quite a bit with social networks. Meanwhile, the question is rather: Are not we all a bit of a divorcee? Generally, the older you get, the more complex it is with love. The more knowledge, one might think, is an advantage, but in love we remain idiots to the end. At the age of seven, we loved the boy, who shared the same excitement for very small snails, at sixteen the neighbor boy just liked us because he had a moped and by the age of twenty, the nerdy DJ was especially cool, just because he was over had a knowledge that one did not own and one did not really care about in the end.
But then comes this dramatic moment in which women say: The most important thing is that he has humor! And I mean the same high education as they themselves, an outstanding status or the prospect, and sufficient economic resources. It should be a man please, which is also suitable as a decorative brooch on the blouse. Whether at this now more or less buttons are open, and how the world is right, it does not matter.
For men, claims to a potential partner often increase dramatically when a long-term relationship fails.
Anyway. The rising demand in old age would not be a problem in itself. At least he has never stopped people from continuing to mate. But now they gave him a tool that seems to make that possible, which seems impossible: choosing the dream partner in a World Wide Web catalog.
"If you construct your relationship using the modular principle, you only get what you want - but not necessarily what you need."
But the knowledge of this possibility makes one or the other already insane. In an interview with ZEIT, Arne Kahlke, once head of elite partner and parship, speaks out what is slowly dawning on us: "People will not be happier if they can choose everything themselves." And Kahlke continues, "Who his Relationship designed according to the modular principle only gets what it wants - but not necessarily what it needs. "
The infinite possibilities that are waiting for you make it easier for some to end a relationship. Not for nothing was the divorce rate in big cities always higher than elsewhere.
It is probably more crucial for the divorce risk, how one would have responded to the marshmallow test as a child. Because here we are again on the tricky question, why one child can wait, while the other immediately falls in need satisfaction (and the Marshmallow eats). Predisposition? Socialization? Experience?
Unfortunately, I did not know whether these tests explicitly paid attention to the respective tendencies of divorce and non-divorce children. The internet is definitely a huge marshmallow and if you can resist its temptations, you may be rewarded. Regardless of what your parents did.
Photo / Video: Oskar Schmidt.
